June 11, 2009

Martok is in a "rut"Guess what? Mom says I’m in rut!

The girl goats have looked and smelled especially alluring for the past few weeks, now I’m spraying myself with goat cologne so they know I’m cool.

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We bucks are good at impressing pretty does; this is what we do.

First, we pee on the backs of our front legs and in our faces. Does swoon for a damp, yellow face. However, Mom is not at all impressed. She stops kissing my face just when I smell the best. Now I get air kisses and Uzzi gets smooched (it isn’t fair, is it?).

Then, when does come near us we strut and pose and stick out our tongues and wag them and we gobble and stamp our front feet. Boer bucks say “whup-whup-whup”; I just whoop in a manly manner.

Martok thinks Big Mama is cute!One night last week Dad fed the Boer goats and sheep while Mom fed us and the dairy does. She accidentally let Uzzi and me out to play before Dad shut Big Mama and (her grown son) Tank in their pen.

Big Mama is cute! She’s big and white with long-haired pantaloons and she has a long, alluring beard. She came here to retire but sometimes she says she’d like to have another set of kids. Here was her chance!

I ran and ran and gobbled and stomped but darn it, Big Mama kept running too. I chased Big Mama, Mom chased me, Uzzi and Tank chased Mom, and Dad just stood there and shouted.

Finally Mom grabbed me and held me around my neck while Dad brought a halter and lead. I smiled at Mom while I peed on her shoes. She was not amused.

Mom says everyone needs a buck, if only for the comic effect. Someone once won $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos with a speeded-up version of a buck in rut, set to music called “Surfing Bird.”

Hey, that could’ve been me!

On a final note … Uzzi says:

“My brother is weird. And he’s starting to smell nasty too. Bucks give us goats a bad name. Does and wethers don’t pee on themselves or reek of musk. We smell fresh and clean. Only billy goats like Martok (don’t tell him I called him a billy goat, it makes him pout) smell baaaaaaad.”

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