Photo by Sue Weaver
Last week I posed for Christmas card pictures with a cedar wreath around my neck. Mom tried it on Uzzi but it wouldn’t go over his horns, so he pouted while I posed. Ha! Mom and Dad got frustrated because I ate part of the wreath but hey, cedar is yummy!
Mom makes Christmas cards by gluing real photos on blank Strathmore cards, then decorating the insides with stickers and a saying.
This year the cards with my picture on them say: “Merry Christmas and Goatwill toward Man.”
The holidays are the perfect time to touch base with family and friends, so I wrote to my biological mom, Ozark Jewels Peppercorn, and tucked the note inside the card I sent her. Here is what I told my birth mom:
Since it’s Christmastime, I thought I would write you a letter to tell you how I’ve been. I live at a place with a lot of goats. There are half a dozen lovely Boer ladies here (and Big Mama!) but my mean old Mom and Dad won’t let me breed them. This fall I did get to breed Bon Bon (you remember Bon Bon) and a visiting doe named Bella. I think I should have dibs on those Boers too.
I have three children, Hutch, Curzon and Jadzia. Curzon and Jadzia have Star Trek names like I do, but I am named after a great Klingon warrior and they are named after something called Trill. My human mom plans to name my new kids after Trill too: Emony and Lela. But if there’s a boy, his name will be Drex because General Martok has a son named Drex.
Apart from siring cute babies, I write a blog for Hobby Farms magazine. They get nice comments about me, about how clever and beautiful I am. I’m very studly, you know.
I know a lot about writing and computers. That’s because my human dad taught me how to compute. My friend, Uzzi, and I sneak into the house after everyone is in bed and we compute all the time. Uzzi and I are smart!
My human mom says I’m getting an apprentice next month, but I don’t think I like the sound of that. He will be a tiny kid. It might be fun to be a role model but he will grow up fast and he is going to breed Jadzia next fall! Do I need a son-in-law? I’m not sure.
Mom is going to call him Ozark Jewels General Kerla. General Kerla is another Klingon warrior but he isn’t as important as General Martok. In fact, General Kerla is a Brigadier General and General Martok became the Klingon Chancellor, so since I’m named for Martok that puts me a big cut above the interloper.
Tell my sisters ‘hi’ for me, Mom. And tell Juniper her noisy son, Edmund, is doing fine too (wow, can that boy scream!).
Your loving son, Martok”
A great big Merry Christmas (Blessed Yule or Happy Hanukkah, whatever your seasonal holiday may be) from Uzzi and me. See you next year!